A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. There she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant?" "And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."
The tomatos in a woman's garden won't ripen. So she goes to her neighbor and says, ``What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies, ``Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.'' Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. ``So-so,'' she answers. ``The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.''
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